Script Analysis + Page Rewrite
Reading Challenge: Would You Turn to Page 3... Yes or No?
Hi everyone, and welcome back the FINAL installment of…
Don't Write Your First Three Pages Until You Do These Three Things:
How to get literary managers, agents, and execs to read your story to the end.
In this post, SCRIPT ANALYSIS + PAGE REWRITE, I put all the 1st Three Pages Story Waves tools to the test: TRIM, CUT, & CRAFT, on my feature script…
THE UNREDEEMED BRIDE
Download my REWRITTEN pages of THE UNREDEEMED BRIDE script here (p 1-2), and see how I applied the TRIM, CUT, & CRAFT method:
Read the THE UNREDEEMED BRIDE’s written pitch below.1
“Would you turn to page 3 after reading the 1st two pages of my historical action romance?”
Reader Challenge: Yes or No?
If you said yes, it could be because of the following TRIM, CUT, & CRAFT techniques:
I started the story on page one, showing protagonist and her plan, and I revealing the antagonist and his plan, setting up the central conflict.
I hinted at the action of the story, ESCAPE, which is a popular story action in ACTION and ROMANCE genres, where the stakes are life and death.
I used contrast by cross cutting between the protagonist and antagonist’s locations, hinting at pending danger and setting the tone.
I use comparison in the action lines to amplify character introductions.
I used dialogue only to reveal the plan and the theme.
I trimmed repetitive action lines by condensing the action lines.
Want to see the first two pages of THE UNREDEEMED BRIDE before the rewrite?
See the 30-MINUTE Script Analysis + Page Rewrite VIDEO on YouTube
In this 30-minute instructional video, you will:
Analyze the Story Waves 1st 3 pages techniques of TRIM, CUT, & CRAFT. See how these tools are used in the successful scripts: AIR by Alex Convery, POOR THINGS, and L.A. CONFIDENTIAL.
Put the TRIM, CUT, & CRAFT, tools to the test using a rewrite on my feature script, THE UNREDEEMED BRIDE, an historical action romance, so you can apply the same steps to your opening pages.
Buy the full 1-hour VIDEO course Script Magic: Unlock the Power of Your Opening Pages with 13 downloads on Udemy HERE.
RECAP 1st 3 Pages Video Series:
1. INTRO your 1st 3 pages like they are a 1st date.
2. TRIM your action lines that are repetitive and condense them.
3. CUT your dialogue lines that don’t support the plan, the theme, or a character’s tagline.
4. CRAFT your story’s persuasion with rhetorical devices that support your voice and your story’s style.
5. REWRITE your 1st two pages using the TRIM, CUT, & CRAFT method.
Persuasive Devices = Attraction = Likability = Page Turns
REPLAY: Apply PERSUASIVE DEVICES to your rewrite
What are your favorite persuasive writing devices?
What’s the last persuasive writing device you used?
I’d love to know! Please share in the comments.
Here’s Wikipedia’s glossary of rhetorical terms: LINK
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Best wishes,
Kelly E. Keough
TITLE: THE UNREDEEMED BRIDE
FORMAT: Feature film. Based on the book, The Redeemed Captive, by Rev. John Williams. YA, historical action romance based on the true events of the Deerfield Massacre of 1704.
COMPS: LAST OF THE MOHICANS meets a reverse POCAHONTAS
LOGLINE: In 1704 Massachusetts, the kidnapped teen daughter of the famous Protestant Rev. John Williams shares a romance with a Catholic French Mohawk, betraying her father’s spiritual beliefs when she chooses to remain captive in a fort in Montreal.
ABOUT ME: I was inspired to write this script because it's a true story based on my cousin Eunice’s family history on her mother’s William side. Her ancestor was the original Eunice Williams, kidnapped by Mohawks during the Massachusetts Deerfield Massacre of 1704. Turning the colonies’ spiritual beliefs upside down, she is abandoned by her own and tarnishes her famous father’s reputation, choosing to remain captive in a French fort in Montreal. Eunice is a force of spiritual change. As the screenwriter, to ensure Native American representation, I had the privilege of interviewing a Seneca female elder on the Seneca Reservation because of my grandparent’s relationship with the Seneca tribe in Western New York. My intention was to honor the Mohawks and write a Native American story with authenticity.